Leonardo DiCaprio: Dick slap or brick slap?

Leo DiCaprio pokes 35 today.

I'll stick with what I've said before, not bad but my taint ain't tingling. I'd hit it, but he'd have to buy me a drink and tell me I'm pretty first.

Leo's a very green celebrity; in addition to his conservation efforts he eats organic and changes his diet with movie roles. When not filming he eats a balanced diet. See how he trained for 'The Departed' here

Now I ask you, dear reader, to weight in! Leo: Dick slap or brick slap?

Meanwhile, 'General Hospital' stud Tyler Christopher dips it in 37 today. There have not been enough naked mens around here lately. He sure fills out those underwears!

Chris Brown is a fucking twat

Fuck all you dumb bitches still screaming for Chris Brown.

I've been meaning to go off on this fucking twat, but then I sort of stuffed my hate into my pocket and sat on it. Then this guy called Gabe tore the bitch a new one and it reminded me I had something to say -- not just about this dick hole but his legion of idiot fans.

Chris Brown, while serving community service for head punching his girlfriend, posted a Twitpic saying "check out my outfit" and {most} everyone was all like; "OMG! You're so hot in that orange vest, Chris! I'd let you punch me in the head, because I'd be touched by a CELEBRITY!"

I believe in redemption and that people -- even those who make horrible mistakes -- can be good. I do not believe in hero worship. When people do wrong things, and they actually feel bad about them, they have a sense of shame that would prevent them from flossing their community service gig on their fucking Twitter account, saying "check out my outfit" like it's funny he beat the shit out of a woman half his size and has to pick up tree limbs all day. Fuck Chris Brown. He's a fucking twat, and his fans are worse. Shame him, don't praise him. If he is capable of showing remorse, then his actions may be forgivable.

Here to Destroy Everything Sacred

Once again we have been bent over and buttfucked; and not in the fun way! Thanks Maine.

Although I have said that you can't argue with the religious position -- it that is what they choose to believe and their mind is made up -- I would like to point out the obvious stupidity of that particular argument.

Robert Switzer sums it up thusly: "The prevalence of this position is very interesting, particularly considering that it is wrong on all counts. The Bible hardly paints a picture of marriage that is anything like what we currently practice in The United States, or one that any modern society would admire."

Leviticus, the same book that allegedly condemns homosexuality, also endorses slavery.

The Bible may speak volumes about family values, it never explicitly defines marriage as “between a man and a woman.”

It is a fact that the Holy Book was written in a society that accepted and encouraged polygamy. But our nation considers polygamy objectionable, and every state has banned it. So why is the Bible invoked as an authority on how we should define marriage?

When all is said and done, don't blame God.

One last point: 50 years ago, everybody knew it was an abomination for a black person to marry a white. It was, in fact, illegal. Just like gay marriage is today.

Standing up for what you know in your heart is right will lead you to a better tomorrow. Cheers to that glimmer of hope!

Simon Cowell told Gordon Ramsay to fix his chin

The subtleties of cosmetic procedures are often overlooked.

Asshole chef Gordon Ramsay says: "Simon Cowell suggested that now I'm a success in America, I should do something, so I had a filler put under the deep crevices. It hurt."

While they don't put you under or cut you open, you can get infected at the injection spot. Before any procedure, do your research. Google, ask 3 different doctors, and use Drugs.com as a jumping off point.

As I've said before, there's nothing wrong with a little self improvement!

F*@#k those people!!!

Fuck you, fuck me, fuck him, fuck her. Fuck those people!

HNT: Halloween

BOO!!! Happy {almost} Halloween, bitches! It's time to get {half} naked!

I love this time of year, and everybody who dresses up gets cool points with me. Yeah, I give out cool points now. I'm also changing my name to Wes McDouche, as that seems fitting.

Anycoolpoints, people act differently and approach others differently in costume -- it's pure playtime. You can't help it, it happens naturally when you see a reflection in the mirror that looks like somebody else. You lose yourself for the night, becoming the character you have created. It may seem trivial, but letting yourself go now and then is important to living a BETTER life. Have fun!

Programming note: Technically, the rules of Half-Nekkid Thursday state that each person only post one pic for the weekly challenge. That's why this look back at Halloween costumes past appear AFTER the official HNT post...my blog, my rules.

Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday!

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2008















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2007

















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2006

Halloween is a freak-fest and I love it.

Plus, it's the one day of the year it's okay to take candy from strangers.

The first pic is my awesome mom {major cool points} as a witch.





three's companyTotally 80's guy & my friend Genie
blowing the whistle on genie
discoSLUT & genie
genie is a photo whore
mr. bernard is dead
ravashing
wonder woman makes toquitoes
da gang's all here

Happy birthday, cowboy

Brad Paisley cattle prods 37 today.

Would you have a roll in the hay with BP? Bitches know I would.

"No personal trainer," he says. "I work out with the guys in the crew when we're on the road, and I run a lot. When I'm home, [his wife] Kim and I work out together when there's time."

Dancing hottie Tony Dovolani

This is the body you get on the dance floor. A hot shot...just because. Enjoy.

I've been thinking about getting back into dance class. They're so fun that you don't even feel like you're working out. They have a new dance studio in WeHo, so I plan to check it out soon and maybe sign up for some classes. Last night when I walked by, all the employees were elegantly huddled up next to a TV watching 'Dancing with the Stars.'

Do you watch the show? Even if you don't, I'm sure you know the cast of characters. Do you have a favorite dancer?

Cousin Balki doesn't take any shit

Bronson Pinchot, best known for the lame but lovable 80s sitcom 'Perfect Strangers,' told the AVclub about on-set abuse, and how he will never endure it again.

He says of filming 'Courage Under Fire' in 1996: "That was a low point, because Denzel Washington was behind the incredibly cowardly bullshit of 'This is my character, not me.' He was really abusive to me and everybody on that movie, and his official explanation was that his character didn’t like me, but it was a dreadful experience. I spent my salary on time with my shrink just for helping me get through it, and what that led to was the very next big movie that I did. I should have said to the producers, 'You get that guy in line, or I’m out of here.' Life’s too short.

"But the next movie I did, the director was getting a lot of crap from his star, and he started to take it out on me one day, and just like a German shepherd—you know when a German shepherd stands up on its hind legs and puts its paws on your shoulders?

"I put my hands on his shoulders and I very gently but firmly said, “I don’t do abuse, and if you say one more word of abuse to me, I’m on a plane, and you don’t have enough money to keep me here.” And that was the end of it, and I’ve never taken abuse again. And I wasn’t vile or anything, it just ripped out of me. Denzel Washington cured me forever of thinking that there is any amount of money or anything that could ever, ever make it okay to be abused. The script supervisor on that movie said it’s like watching somebody kick a puppy. He was so vile. And after that, I just would never endure it again."

Working actors like Bronson get very little credit, because they're not wildly famous or regularly splashed across magazine covers. What it comes down to is being able to live your dream -- and still be the person you want to be. If you haven't seen 'True Romance,' it is one of my favorite movies that features the actor. He doesn't have a leading role, but you can't forget his part. The sign of a true character actor!

Let your freak flag fly

While there are many people along the way who will teach you about self acceptance, only you can decide to love you. DIY! {do-it-yourself}

There is an incredible power in accepting yourself as you are, at this moment. Not just the person you hope and want to be, but the one with all the faults and fallacies that exists right here and now in the real world.

More vids on my YouTube channel

HNT: Spank it

The Do-It-Yourself theme continues!

"There are weeks when I'll spank a lot, and other weeks I'll be apathetic and lonely and won't want to look at my cock." -Mike Dirnt of Green Day*

I'm pretty sure that people who say they don't masturbate are liars. I've had a lot on my mind this week and dealt with some frustrations and also my ability to communicate, the ultimate irony for a writer -- as I effectively communicate things for a living, which is the opposite of what you would expect, therefore making the situation ironic. In case you were wondering, people who say "ironic, isn't it?" when the matter at hand is a coincidence or whatever, make my eyes roll to the back of my head. Seriously, not everything is fucking ironic.

Also frustrating is that which I tweeted earlier this week. If you're not using Twitter -- or if you are and haven't been following me -- you totally should! Not everybody really understands how to use the site, so they tweet about dumb shit, but it's basically a shorthand conversation with the world. Or the few hundred people tuned into your tweets. Anyshits, I was feeling conflicted and deep and pondering and stuff, so my message manifested as such: Worst part of maturity is second guessing yourself. When I was younger I was too dumb to think of the alternatives.

Such is life. I had a point and it was this: A good wank will set you right.

I'm sure I've said it a million times. Some guys are quiet about it, but most will boast. We are not ashamed about touching ourselves. Plus, I am certain a good sex partner teaches their mate how to stimulate them, or at least they really should.

Exploring our bodies is healthy, natural and fun!

*Quote via Catlow365


Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday!

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Pumpkin Pickin' with David Boreanaz

Holidays are the perfect time to DIY. I don't know what makes Halloween a holiday, but does anyone know why anything is a holiday? Anyways, it is certainly my favorite.

And so is David Boreanaz, who I've featured here time and time and time again.

Getting a pumpkin and carving it yourself seems to come naturally, I mean what kind of asshole pays somebody to carve their Jack-O-Lantern? Hacking into a defenseless object with a knife embraces the sheer maniacal joy of the holiday -- and is the very spirit of do-it-yourself.

Baking the seeds is a seasonal favorite and makes the activity delicious! Natch, you can use pumpkin to cook year round.

Creating a costume is an essential part of Halloween. More on that later, right now I want to know: What are you going as this year?

Oh, honey honey

DIY week continues...

Do-It-Yourself moisture mask: I love simplicity. What can be more simple than spreading honey all over your pretty little face? Washes off easily, tastes great!

I interviewed beauty expert Elizabeth TenHouten over at YH, who agrees nature's nectar makes a great facial. "Organic honeycomb can be found at your local farmer's market," she suggests. "It is Mother Nature's moisturizer. It also has medical, healing qualities for your throat, if ingested, as it is an anti-inflammatory substance. Thank you buzzzy bees!"

That's a pretty sweet deal if you ask me. See what I did there? Honey, being sweet...right? *tap * tap * Is this thing on?

Honey Pot artwork by Anthony Morrow.

Birthday Boys from J to Z

Office stud John Krasinski tongue fucks the big 3-0 today. Welcome to my box, bitch!

He's got that boy-next-door approachability and goes for the win {FTW!} with his personality. He makes knees week by being man enough to admit stuff like this: "We can appear to be tough as nails, but guys have a level of insecurity and vulnerability that's exponentially bigger than you think. With the primal urge to be alpha comes extreme heartbreak. The harder we fight, the harder we fall."

Aw-fucking-dorable.

"I'm not necessarily the most worked-out guy in the world," he says. "I'd rather just go out and play hoops. The actual competition has always been the most fun. These shots make me think of playing catch with my dad. The sport only takes you so far, and then your romantic view of the sport takes you the rest of the way."

Peep more of his furry goodness at Square Hippes

BONUS! Zac Efron is still a "chicken" {old people speak, meaning "youngster"} but he's an avid workout fan, making him worth a mention here, where we reward health & fitness enthusiasts by sexually objectifying the hotness it creates! Zac makes dark places tingle. Seen here, the HSM is on one of his regular trips to LA Fitness.

Zac tossed off 22 this weekend.

January Jones' final fuck you to Ashton Kutcher

I declare this Do-It-Yourself week! DYI girl January Jones doesn't need a celebrity boyfriend to catapult her to fame.

The 'Mad Men' star has dated her share of famous guys, but at least one made sure he took no part in her career. In fact, hot wet douche Asston {not a type-o} Kutcher told her to give up her dreams.

In this month's GQ, January says, "He was not supportive of my acting. He was like, 'I don't think you're going to be good at this.' So—fuck you! He only has nice things to say now—if anything, I should thank him. Because the minute you tell me I can't do something, that's when I'm most motivated."

Don't look for validation in others. Believe in you, and get the job done. Do it yourself!

HNT: 30 seconds to nirvana

This pic sort of looks like I have elephantiasis of the balls, but whatever.

Visually, it's supposed to represent "giving it up to God." That, and big balls.

30 Seconds to Nirvana: Lately I'm trying a new thing. Hey, try something new! I notice that I get all worked up and sweat stupid, unimportant things that are beyond my control. Now, I'm trying to pray that shit out. Prayer is really a meditation, so I just relax, breathe and throw my hands up to the sky, casting off distress. All it takes is 30 seconds.

Get in a comfortable position, breathe in deeply and exhale as you count to 10. Take another breath and repeat, then again one final time. It's pretty amazing what three long, controlled breaths will do. Stuck at a desk most of the day, these mini-breaks can be done without even stepping away.


Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday!

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