Friday Fill-Ins

Something new, thanks to this hot bitch right here. To play along, go to Friday Fill-Ins and post your blanks.

1. A cup of tea requires teabagging, which is also a sexy sport.
2. Rubbing my penis on the furniture makes a place feel like home.
3. Everything has its beauty if you look through beer goggles.
4. Why can't my toothpaste have the taste of strawberries?
5. Art makes me realize I'm not so deep.
6. LOL I just noticed I forgot HOW AWESOME I AM.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to using the products my buddy HeartStarBolt(see his blog) recommended, tomorrow my plans include being naked and Sunday, I want to dance, dance, dance!

Madonna before + after

Madonna's face work seems to have settled. At first, the online comments were all like, she doesn't even look like Madonna anymore. At first, I would agree, but now I think she looks exactly like Madonna ... from 1990. This is how it's done right! Even her neck looks smooth.

Some people suggest we should do this thing called "aging gracefully," but I don't understand why that can't include some scheduled maintenance. Nothing is sagging just yet, but I have every intent of looking like a Siamese cat caught in a wind tunnel by the time I'm of the age to be considered a dirty old man. Currently I'm just a dirty slut, which is close, but not quite as creepy.

I've already details some of my own minor, uh, corrections HERE

While there's no desire to radically change any of my features, I have every intent to continue fighting the aging process. Give me the full Madonna!

WOULD YOU HAVE PLASTIC SURGERY? WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE?

Some motivation required

What gets you motivated?

To me, there is no better motivation than catastrophe. I need to get to a place where I'm basically backed into a corner and forced to do something.

The only reason I decided to stop being a crackhead was because I'd basically hit rock bottom. There was no choice in the matter and I'd probably be dead in a ditch with my ass in the air otherwise. Now I'm in a much BETTER place so it's easy to become complacent.

And yet I will have dreams and goals far beyond my current situation. The potential to attain these things is within my grasp but half the time I'd rather curl up on the couch and watch 'The Simpsons' on rerun instead of doing the work to get there. There is always tomorrow, when I'll have more time, or the weekend, next week!

When I don't absolutely HAVE to do something it just seems like such a bother. That's why deadlines are also effective. There is no alternative.

So, what's your motivation?

Image via my fave online tee shop, shirt woot

Twitter Tip

Healthy, tasty meals in 20 minutes http://mhm.ag/9qX0Yi
-via @menshealth

I Call Shenanigans!

People want you to buy stuff, so they lie to you.

Facts are often intentionally misrepresented to create a false idea that we're getting something healthy or doing something beneficial, when in fact we're not.

Here are some common misconceptions created by food industry marketing and consumer confusion:

"Whole Grain" Food Labels
Whole grains have more fiber, protein, vitamins, and certain minerals than processed white flour has -- but food companies sometimes use the phrase "whole grain" more often than they actually use whole grains. (Sara Lee acknowledged last year that its Soft & Smooth Made with Whole Grain White bread was skimpy on the good stuff.) Pay attention to the ingredient list, not the packaging. You don't want sucrose, high-fructose corn syrup, or enriched wheat flour listed ahead of the whole grains.

100-Calorie Snack Packs
According to a recent study in the Journal of Consumer Research, the small portions lull people into thinking just a little bit of unhealthy food is an innocent pleasure, which encourages them to eat more. "Just because it's packaged to look like diet food doesn't mean it is," says nutritionist Lisa R. Young, author of The Portion Teller Plan.

Fast-Food Salads
Salads drive up sales of fattier fast-food fare, says a Duke University study. Additionally, the salads aren't always healthy, either: McDonald's Premium Southwest Salad with Grilled Chicken and Newman's Own Creamy Southwest Dressing has more calories than a Quarter Pounder.

Are you a size queen like Rihanna?

"He has to be good in bed and the size matters," Rihanna told German magazine Bravo. "The inner beauty counts as well, but without a toy it doesn't make it fun."

Are you a fan of BIG penis, or does the little guy get love too?

Personaly I'm a bit of a size queen, because I can be. I like a guy who measures up, if I ain't being too subtle. I've been with some guys who were less than blessed down there, but only one that ruined the sex. Swear to God I had to part pubes to find the thing.

On the other hand, when a dude dwarfs me with extra-large man meat, there's a feeling of momentary inadequacy. Then excitement, mixed with fear. You want me to put that where?!? Generally I don't have a gag reflex, but there have been a few times that tested the limits. Thankfully I'm always up for a challenge!

Sex is a healthy, natural part of life. Quanity and quality count -- Does size matter in your bedroom too?

Epic swoon: Jesse James reunites with Cinnabun

Daredevil Jesse James is covered in tats, rides his motorcycle through brick walls on fire and gargles with glass. He's a fucking man, man. He’s hard! Just don’t mess with his dog, Cinnabun.

* sidenote: I originally made a typo that made “dog” into “dong,” which is also man’s best friend.

Jess lost his beloved pooch and immediately offered a $5000 reward. Then 3 weeks went by.

Now let me just tell you, my beloved pussy {see pic} once took off for a walkabout that lasted over a week and I cried every fucking day. I cannot tell you how happy I was when we were reunited. Nobody was there to take a picture, but I felt just like this dude looks.

There are about a billion studies that prove an animal friend leads to a BETTER life. There are downsides, like losing the dumb bitch and crying about it everyday, but the upside is a whole lotta love. Go for it!

* Another sidenote: Until I heard this story and saw these pics, I was kind of whatever about JJ. Now that I know he's a rough and tough teddy bear I'd let him hit it like he was drilling for gold back there.

HNT: Belly before & after

Being a hot bitch takes a lot of effort, y'all.

This is my tum-tum NOW (2.18.10)

...this was THEN (2.5.09)

That little pudge below my navel and over the belt was bugging the shit out of me so I dealt with it. In the NOW pic, I'm wearing a tighter jeans/belt combo too.

I'm not trying to brag (except maybe just a little) because this transition took a damn year. I wasn't entirely preoccupied with it, but I slowly noticed a change. I'm using myself as an example here (again) to show that real changes take time and continued effort, rather than photoshop head-switching as seen in advertisements. Also, to brag. Look at that tight belly, bitches! For real though, I've seen diets that promise results in a week or even days. Those results never last.

It's perfectly healthy to take pride in your body and boast your accomplishments. If others think that makes you an egotistical, self-obsessed flesh bag held together by the power of your own vanity, then fuck those people. File this entry under "I'm a narcissistic asshole and I don't care!"

By focusing on the effort, the end result just sort of happened. Suddenly it was like, Oh look, I lost the belly button ring! No secret magic tricks or trips to Dr. 90210, just trying to eat a well-balanced diet, cutting down on chips (my fave snack), hitting the gym and working off extra calories with vigorous sex sessions -- we all know sex burns calories! Even if it is by yourself.


Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday!

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Humps, hos and happiness

And...we're back! Happy Hump Day my little hos.

I took a brief break and had my best staycation ever! A trip or long weekend staycation is the perfect time to take a break from your life and recharge. So many health and fitness plans forget that your emotional well being is even more important than being skinny. Sounds crazy but true!

This week over on popbytes, I suggest taking a break to benefit your mental health.

Now that I've gotten all preachy (and self-promotiony), let's get to the sexy.

Out of fear this little blog is in danger of becoming family friendly (HA!) I think today we need to ditch the exercises tips and discover EXTREMELY PORNOGRAPHIC uses for exercise equipment! Hump day is nothing without the hot kind of humping -- and ya'll deserve a little porn. Gay gym porn!

Absolutely NSFW: Sexy uses for workout equipment

This week on Young Hollywood: I Stalked RuPaul!

I'm taking a long holiday weekend, don't miss me too much bitches!

I know it's an awful lot to hope that y'all not only dial up my blog on the daily, but also click over to my other shit. Those of you that do, me love you long time!

Here are the features I've posted lately, maybe one of these headlines will speak to you. Click over & read on if you give two poops.


On the red carpet at 'RuPaul's Drag Race' premire party

VALENTINE'S PREP: Bring Hollywood romance home

Chef Mario Batali Loses Weight with Healthy Pasta Plate

4 Red Carpet Looks That Take 4 Steps

Care Bears on Fire: A Profile By The Numbers

DON’T OF THE DAY: Don’t go full Snooki

MUSIC CRUSH: BoA ‘Eat You Up’

Sarah Hyland Dishes on Her ‘Modern Family‏’

Pink Fashions: Love or Loathe?

Channing Tatum gives Ellen a lapdance

I feel his efforts are wasted here.

One of the reasons I enjoy Channing Tatum (aside from his hot dance moves) is that he appears to have no sense of ego or shame. Many celebs try to distance themselves from their past, especially if they used to work the pole or otherwise objectify themselves. Chan seems to relish in it.

"Don't worry. That one was on the house," he said after giving Ellen a lap dance inspired by his former days as a stripper.

He also had no problem whipping out a picture of his fantastic penis for a Details reporter.

Now that's a hot bitch!


Here's Channing Tatum shirtless in GQ
...and this is Channing Tatum playing with cock.

LOL Cat Workout

Bradley Cooper noooooooo

I'm not exactly sure what kind of fuckery is going on here. The top of his head, from the cheeks upward, is a different color than the rest of his body. FAIL.

I see one of two reasons for this facial fright. Either somebody hastily applied makeup and decided not to blend (FIRED!) or this is another Hollywood tanning tragedy.


How to Get Rid of a Fake Tan

As I've said before, one way to work out streeks is to use a mild, alcohol-free skin toner. I use Neutrogena in the blue bottle.

Keep in mind that it's vital to sweep over dark spots ASAP, don't wait until the next day.

Now, even though I drink alcohol -- hell I'm a little tipsy right now -- the stuff never goes on my skin. No, no! It's in my belly or nothing at all. However and my point about alcohol is this: if you have a really resistant self-tan then break out some stronger stuff. BEWARE!! This can make your skin rough, red and super-dry, to the point of flaking.

Some moisturizers contain oils that will strip away a self-tanner, but you have to be really careful with these. If you get carried away, it will get all over the place and there goes your tan. No more warm glow for you!

I don't like to suggest products I haven't tried personally, but a quick search at Sephora -- one of my fav beauty retailers -- turned up the St. Tropez self-tan remover. At $17 per 11 ounce bottle, that shit better work something fierce!


There are a lot of expensive products out there, but I still recommend Jergens. Use a slightly darker shade if you want to see more dramatic results. Works well with light skin, I'm very pale so I can't tell you how this stuff works on people with pigment.



Have your own suggestion or product recommendation? Well then leave me a comment girlfriend!

Michael Jackson had it coming

This may not be a popular sentiment, but as somebody who has personally had to bitch slap a drug habit I feel this needs to be said.

I've been seeing a common thread with some so-called fans who claim "the media villified Michael Jackson and drove him to pills" -- this is as disturbing as it is absurd. Nobody makes someone else an addict! Yes, they may contribute to their dependency by enabling them; but there are all sorts of people all over the world who have to deal with problems -- and they don't turn to drugs. Michael Jackson is not a victim. His case is tragic and rather sad, but that does not absolve him of responsibility.

An addict will not seek help until they accept that they have a problem and decide to deal with it. Nobody could have helped Michael, until he wanted help. He chose to surround himself with "yes" people, chose to pursue treatment he was repeatedly told would harm him AND chose to shut out people who dared to deny his every whim.

All that said, Dr. Murray enabled Michael and ultimately failed to uphold his oath to serve and protect his patient. He should clearly never be allowed to practice medicine again. As much as the world may want to blame and vilify him, he was the source and not the cause.

It also pisses me off that two years ago, Jacko was a joke -- a washed up pop star nobody took seriously. When he died, the majority who had previously ignored him did a 180-degree turn to praise him. He deserved better than that. But what he really deserved was a slap upside the head with the truth. He had it coming.

Peace out, Michael!

Panty dropper: Becks or Crissy?

Emporio Armani has a new bitch. Cristiano Ronaldo is a hot piece, although I question his eyebrow situation.

Crissy follows in the footsteps of another soccer player, the almighty David Beckham, as the face...butt? of A|E undies.

Natch, I want to know who you'd drop your panties for...Becks or Crissy?

Daily happy

When you have long-term goals, it can be very difficult to be satisfied in the now.

That's why it's so very important to find a daily happy. I'm trying to share mine with you this week -- and highly encourage you to find something, especially on your worst days, that can make you smile. Like puppies. Or a cocktail. Or putting your cock in somebody's tail. Whatever!

I'd also like to thank everybody who commented, sent emails, Tweeted me and such when I revealed my issues with anger management this week. You bitches are alright.

HNT: I grew chesty hairs!

Big deal if I had to use the sharpen tool so they were visible to the human eye, I did in fact grow chesty hairs.

I prefer a smooth surface on myself, however my ritual shavings led to razor burn and a bout of body achne. Actually I'm not sure the two are related, because my shoulders broke out too. I know! So gross.

Here's how I tamed the flame: Firstly, I stopped shaving my chesticles. Rather than regular soap, I switched to Neutrogena Body Clear Body Wash, a salicylic acid soft-soap. Another trick is to use Head & Shoulders, especially if you have sweat rash. After towling off, I treat the area with an Alpha Hydroxy toner, grean tea extract or Witch Hazel (one of the above NOT all three). I think the Witch Hazel tends to work best on me. Once that dries, before bed I apply a retinol or during the day I use a generic benzoyl peroxide.

It's important to know your drugs, so before you use anything, visit drugs.com to understand how whatever you're using works, what it may interact with, or if it is even the right product for your condition. It's easy to self-medicate incorrectly with over the counter remedies. The temptation is to use the newest product with the brightest packaging, but more important is the ingredient list. Sometimes a classic (or a money-saving generic) works the best.

If you have a beauty question or suggestion, leave 'em in the comments & I'll share them here.

Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday!

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Remember when Oscar De La Hoya was a sexy bitch?

Normally I would not seek to emasculate a man who dresses up in women's undies to have a good time. I mean, gender-bending is kind of hot right? If it gives you and your partner the hornies, I say put him up in pumps!

Oscar denied the pictures were real. He claimed they were photoshopped. Sure, Oscar, they photoshopped your foot up in an arch and then photoshopped a heel on your foot. I've certainly seen some good photoshopping in my time, but there were JUST SO MANY photographs with a firm-fitting fishnet bodysuit his denial falls flat. That's some serious fuckery right there.

A real man would have just owned up to the whole thing instead of lying about it. Accepting your sexuality leads to a BETTER tomorrow, trust! Besides, when you're caught red handed, you lose respect if you can't just say you fucked up and move on (he was having an affair, too).

Sometimes people can be an example of what to do -- and what not to do. On the fitness tip, boxing is a whole body workout that includes weight lifting, speed training and endurance challenges. Plus it makes you feel all butch and stuff. Even in heels! Mix up your routine with a class or two with a private instructor or in a class setting. Just don't start acting like a tough guy and getting in bar fights. That's not very classy.

Oscar De La Hoya side straddles 37 today.

Anger management

I've been real pissed off lately. Pretty much at everyting. I go from mildly annoyed to I WILL BEAT YOU THE FUCK DOWN BITCH in like 0.5 seconds. It's not cute.

So this week I'm trying to find ways to focus on the important things and find away to tuck all that negative shit in my back pocket. I suppose you're wondering why not get rid of it entirely? I may need the rage later. You never know!

What are some CALM THE FUCK DOWN techniques? I close my eyes, breathe slowly and visualize a hot piece of ass stripping down in front of me. Unfortunately that leads to another frustration. Suggestions welcome.

Michael C. Hall Killing it at 39

Michael pokes 39 today. The 'Dexter' star says playing a killer gets a very different reaction than playing gay on 'Six Feet Under.'

"I do get a sense that many family members of mine are more comfortable watching me simulate murder than simulate a same-sex relationship with a black man," says the Raleigh, NC, native. "I got a lot more questions then about, 'Is it weird playing a gay character?' than I now get about, 'Is it weird playing a serial killer?'"

Michael recently revealed he's been secretly battling Hodgkin's lymphoma, a blood cancer which is now in remission. Let's wish the birthday boy a happy, healthy year to come.