Lifestyle: Hearty Halloween

Executioner + Sexy + Gay = SEXECUTIONER. Subtle, I know.

A good costume is bathroom friendly and made with flame-retardant material. I once wore a pair of feather wings that CAUGHT ON FIRE but thankfully somebody put me out before I even noticed. I had thought they were rudely pushing my costume out of their way in passing, when in fact they were hand-stamping out the fire. As I turned to bitch them out, the smell of singed fringe wafted up my nose and I quickly thanked them for SAVING MY LIFE -- or at least my precious face from becoming Freddy Krueger-fied. In regards to the former, you're going to have to break the seal at some point, don't make it too difficult or you're only going to torture and possibly wet yourself.

It may seem trivial, but letting yourself go now and then is important to living a BETTER life. Have fun!

* Stay hydrated -- with WATER (Tequila, my Halloween drink of choice, does not count)

* Don't wear a costume that obscures your vision (HA!)

* Avoid generic contacts that are not professionally fit, as it may cause eye damage

* Wear well-fitting, comfortable shoes

* Costumes that drag on the ground -- especially those with capes -- are a great way to hang yourself, get tripped up or risk being stepped on

* Carry flexible props so you don't impale yourself (HA!x2 -- I'm carrying a giant dildo on a metal pole...but it's hollow, not heavy and would likely bend if I tried to poke somebody)



Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday (:

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Fitness: David Beckham Socceroos

Soccer is the sexy sport. Showing off his underoos during a game is nothing new for Becks, because he's the sex. I guess he doesn't like to play in dirty drawers or something; don't question a good thing!

"To be someone kids look up to is a great honor," David tells Men's Health. "What matters is how you carry yourself, off and on the field."

Thank you David. Because of your efforts, we can enjoy generations of pants droppers to come!

Soccer will probably never really catch on in popularity in the US because we enjoy lazy sports like baseball -- which requires minimal effort and maximum beer guzzling. Go America!

Lately I've been getting into Plyometrics, exercises that are used in sports training for explosive power.

On leg days, I use an elevated platform to jump upon, starting in a squat and ending in a squat (then standing up and back down to the starting position). Who says white men can't jump?


(p.s. If you're looking for a hard-hitting soccer workout, peep this sample routine)

Lifestyle: Like a fine wine, better with time

"I feel more like myself. I feel like now, it's just the beginning. I guess you get to a point at 30 or somewhere and you say, 'What I am is what I am and that's what I'm going to be -- and that's all good. I don't need to be anything else.' And that's kind of how I feel."

-Jake Gyllenhaal on turning 30 this December

Diet: Drink some wine

MODERATE red wine consumption has actual health benefits beyond the buzz. While the American Heart Association cautions people NOT to start drinking if they do not drink alcohol alraedy, I don't know those type of people so this post obviously isn't meant for AA types.

Benefits of red wine:

* High in antioxidants
* Decreased risk of heart attack
* Lower risk of heart disease
* Moderates cholesterol levels
* May help prevent blood clots
* Reduces blood vessel damage caused by fat deposits

Keep in mind that drinking empty calories can lead to weight gain if your diet isn't balanced. My supergirlfriend starts her calorie count with her nightly cocktail and goes backward through the day to determine how many calories her other meals should be. Whatever gets you through! (p.s. here's how to get drunk not fat)

Half-nekkid diet: have a beer

Online lifestyle: Blog tips

A reader made me this fancy graphic (thanks, Marcus!), which backhandedly champions my thin frame and exemplifies my innate ability to self promote. Well done!

People also send me questions, like "I just started a blog, do you have any tips?"

Well, I certainly do...!!!

* Everything you say can and will be used against you
Before you post something, think about saying it in front of a crowded room full of people you know. About a billion years ago, the web was an anonymous place. Unless you plan on using a clever nickname and NEVER TELLING ANYONE that you have a blog, changes are you will say something that ends up biting you in the ass. Good luck with that!

* Never bitch about somebody in your personal life
Part B to the above. I have made a choice to broadcast my life; that is a singular decision. My friends and family are basically off limits.

* Keep work confidential
You can bitch about "the office" without being specific, but anybody who knows you offline, including coworkers, will know all your professional gripes. People have lost their jobs by blogging negative shit about their employer, a hateful tirade against their boss, or revealing their last sick day was used to take a day trip to Vegas. Don't be stupid!

* Reply to comments
If somebody takes the time to actually read your profanity-laden, grammatically fucked up rants and actually engages you directly by leaving a comment, then for God's sake leave a reply. "Thanks" works well, unless it is a nasty comment. Message board trolls can go right back under their bridge (I delete negative, bitchy comments...and a lot of spam).

* Pick a blog name that's easy to remember
TheManWhoWroteThingsAndThoughtTheyWereGood.com is not a good website name. Every blog should tell a story. BETTERby30 is about my transition from 29-30, during which time I kicked hella bad habits and totally turned my life around to become, duh, Better by 30. The title is a reminder of my jumping off point. No matter how far I get, I always know where it started and remember that drive to get myself into a better situation. I still have that desire burning inside. I'm going to be EVEN better by 40 and EVEN MORE better-er by 50. It all started with this blog.

* Comment on other blogs
If you have a relevant post, leave a link. Don't do this every single time, but keep in mind that you may have more to say on the subject in a blog you've written.

* Link to other blogs
If you get an idea and riff on it, or just liked a particular blog entry, mention it with a link.

* Put a subscribe button on your blog
A week after I put the "follow this blog" button (to the right) I had over 20 followers. It's close to 90 now, all added within the past few months. Build your audience by giving them options and reminders to come back!

* Find other blogs you like and subscribe to them
Why would anybody read your blog if you don't read other blogs? It's like when people on TV say they don't watch TV -- as though they are somehow superior to their very own viewers! If you don't like the web and browsing blogs, why the hell would you bother to create one in the first place?

* Develop a mission statement
Even if nobody bothers to read the little section about you, which is unlikely by the way, you still have a reference point. Just what is your blog about anyways? (p.s. Here's my answer, because I'm sure you care)

* Blog about site updates. If you add a new section, write a post about it. People are unlikely to notice otherwise. When I updated my "about me" section, I blogged about it. When I had my first advertiser, I turned it into a blog about prostate health. When I changed my template design, well, guess.

* Get a stats tracker
I use sitemeter.com -- it's free. There may be better services now, but I'm lazy and this seems to offer me what I need in a simple format.

* Post in a pattern
Whether you update once a week or once a day, try to maintain a regular posting schedule. I generally write ahead and set my blog to update early in the morning LA time, before 9-10 NY time.

* Use pictures. Always use a picture with your posts, or just post pictures. People like pictures, certainly much more than they do reading a long ass rambling blog entry!

Health: RDJ's past isn't a prison

I don't have father figure issues, but I'd jump all over hot daddy Robert Downey Jr. in a heartbeat. At 45, he would be more like my dad's young friend anyways. Totally not weird or creepy or inappropriate.

About a year ago, my older brother remarked that I've been going through my "RDJ phase." He meant that I'm in the process of replacing my bad habits with good ones. While I don't really idolize anybody, I certainly look to good examples. People can change and take their life down any path they so choose.

"Not having done drugs for literally five or six years is a lifetime," Robert Downey Jr. tells Playboy. "I think of myself as someone who has no desire, use for or conscious memory of that life. And yet I don't shut the door on it, and I don't pretend it didn't happen."

The embattled actor conquered a debilitating drug addiction to become one of Hollywood's most bankable stars.

On the struggles of his past: "Sometimes it's necessary to compartmentalize the different stages of your evolution, both personally and objectively, for the people you have to love and tolerate. And one of those people, for me, is me. I have a very strong sense of that messed-up kid, that devoted theater actor, that ne'er-do-well 20-something nihilistic androgyne and that late-20s married guy with a little kid, lost, lost in narcotics—all aspects of things I don't regret and am happy to keep a door open on. More than anything I have this sense that I'm a veteran of a war that is difficult to discuss with people who haven't been there."

On taking responsibility for one's actions, including his own: "To me, here's the only thing: You take responsibility, whether you're outraged by the results or not, that you in some way participate in and create what you're experiencing."

RDJ reportedly stays fit by doing yoga (a favorite activity of mine) and martial arts.

Fitness: Kegel exercises

I'm doing my kegel exercises right now. The sexy exercise! Kegels keep your floor sprung, if you know what I mean. They make your muscles tight DOWN THERE.

According to the slut ho blogs I read, this is an issue for a great many whores out there. I'm here to help!

ToyCouture said his loose booty friend got lots of advice on how to keep his brown eye winking: "Someone said douche with vinegar, another person said soak in a hot sea salt bath, another said 'work out more and increase your squats' Someone else said clench your butt cheeks through out the day. Another person said something about a product called China Star shrink cream."

His solution: Read the B.I.B.L.E - Bottom's Instructions Before Letting Enter: Pick, Choose, & Refuse -- instead of Dick, Booze, & Abuse

The latter is so much more fun. Why not just work out with kegels?

* Stronger pelvic muscles
* Reduced bladder control problems
* Increased pleasure with sexual activity
* Reduce risk of prostate problems (poke mine here)

WHAT IS A KEGEL EXERCISE?

Guys, the best way to learn to do a kegel is to stop the flow of urination the next time you tinkle. Those are the muscles, right there! You should be able to stop the pee stream, right guys? If not, your naughty hole needs some work. Find exercises for men here

My lady friends, the contraction is the same except I don't have a vagina so that's more a guess. Y'all are a little more complicated, there are even tools (mini-dildos, basically) to help you get that pelvic floor in shape. Sex-ay! There are very detailed female exercises here

Clench it!

Lifestyle: Why come out?

It takes a truly hot bitch to have the courage to stand practically alone as an out athlete. Diver Matthew Mitcham is one of the few openly gay competitors who've won a gold medal at the Olympics. What's the BFD?

To be honest, I wish it wasn't. In this modern age, a consenting relationship between two adults should not be up for debate. It should just be whatever the hell it is, as they decide to define it for themselves -- because it has nothing to do with anybody else. And yet...

We don't live in that world. We live in a world where gay teens are killing themselves at an alarming rate because they're being mercilessly bullied at school.

Browsing the web, I happened upon this comment: "Why is sexual orientation so important? People don't walk around saying I'm straight, he's straight' she's straight. Why do people who are homosexual have to come out of the closet? It's nobody's business but their own. Maybe once people start minding their own business, there will be less tragedy."

I don't make a habit of trolling message boards because I feel people are entitled to express their idiot opinions without being attacked. However I do have a reply. This is a message to those who oppose gay people coming out.

Firstly, straight people openly show affection, go on dates in highly populated areas, get married, have kids -- they are forever throwing their sexuality in everybody's fucking face. While it may not necessarily be spoken, the message is loud and clear. I've never known a gay person in my entire life who walks around announcing their sexual orientation. "Hi, I'm gay." Never. Introducing my boyfriend is no more about making it everybody's business than a straight guy bringing his girlfriend along. Straight people express their sexual preferences ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

Second, identifying as gay WOULDN'T EVEN BE A BIG DEAL if straight people weren't so obnoxiously bullheaded and arrogant to believe that since they're straight, everybody else is too! Nobody would have to come out of the closet if stupid asshat breeders weren't practically pushing us into Narnia every five fucking seconds. We're constantly asked questions like; "Where's your girlfriend? When are you going to find a girl and settle down?" It is YOU who force people to live a lie becuase YOU create the context of their life according to YOUR point of view. When corrected about your assumption, you're shocked. How dare somebody be something you are not? Get the fuck over yourself.

Seriously, gay people aren't making their sexual orientation a big deal, STRAIGHT PEOPLE ARE. They're the ones identifying everybody by their sexuality if it differs than theirs. If anybody needs to "mind their own business" IT IS YOU.

Gays come out because people assume you are straight unless you signal otherwise. Coming out is necessary to live openly and freely without being forced to hide because of the prejudices others may have.

Ultimately, the straight community INSISTS a gay person come out in order to live openly like everybody else. Then they tell us to keep it to ourselves. Why should we have to hide our relationships when straight people get to express theirs?

Right now, gay people need role models. They need to be able to grow up in a world where they are represented in all walks of life. Right now, gay people need to be examples. Right now, we need to be out, proud and show our strength in numbers. This is the time to come out and join together in a common cause -- equality.

Half-Nekkid Diet: Have a beer

A lot of heath and fitness freaks talk about being natural and stuff. They should really chill out and have a beer. Its natural goodness!

In college, I dated this dude who only drank beer and therefore I started drinking beer. It wasn’t so much that I was an impressionable young gay, which is also true, but more so it was the only alcohol he had in the house. I didn't like it at first, but it was better than putting a straw in his mouthwash.

Drinking beer reduces stroke risk, as well as heart and vascular disease. It's like, a proven scientific fact.

p.s. cooking with beer is also nutritious and delicious


Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday (:

See all Half Nekkid Thursday posts

Health: Playtime

Game on! Check this ad for the PSP...obviously appealing to my slutty homosexual ways. Batteries and hottie included? Well played, PSP.

Playtime encourages creativity and builds learning skills.

Gaming is also said to:
* Promote cognitive health (awareness, perception, reasoning, and judgment)
* Improve empathy (playing with or against others)
* Alleviate stress
* Improve hand-eye coordination
* Enhance the learning process
* Boost imagination
* Provide a distraction from snacking and overeating (although not always the case, WoW freaks)

Lifestyle: The last ack

Sometimes I liked her, even LOL'd, while most of the time I just shook my damn head at her insane, stereotypical chick ways, but Cathy was always there. This past Sunday marked the end of an era, the Cathy comic strip is no more!

Sometimes people (or cartoon characters) are an example of what NOT to do; even if we all have body issues, binge eat the entire tub of ice cream and want somebody to love us, we don't have to be so pathetic about it.

Ultimately, the fussy femme was about trying to navigate this world. Life isn't always funny.

The real Cathy Guisewite can be applauded for having a long, profitable career with her self-modeled creation...35 years! Good riddance, bitch.

Health: An apple a day...

Bite me, Ryan Gosling.

Apples really need better PR. All these supposed "health foods" are chock full of chemical shit or filled with labels full of lies. This shit right here grows in trees. Like money! Apples are low in calories, a good source of fiber, vitamin C and antioxidants.

Not sure why, but I have always found apples so damn boring. I never get hungry for an apple. It never seems like the ideal thing to cure my hunger cravings. They're too simple, too plain, and the packaging sucks. There isn't even a prize inside!

Except for the nutrients, naturally.

Here are a bunch of reasons* I'm going to buy a bag of apples and eat them this weekend (p.s. You have to eat the apple skin to get full dietary benefits):

Satiety/Weight loss: With a high concentration of water relative to calorie content, you have a greater sense of fullness while taking in fewer calories.

Reduces risk of Cancer: Flavonoids quercetin can prevent cell changes that can lead to cancer.

Reduce risk of heart disease: The phytonutrients in apples act as antioxidants to keep our heart healthy.

Reduce cholesterol: The pectin in apples lowers LDL cholesterol.

Dental health: The natural acidic properties of apples help to keep the teeth clean and your breath smelling better.

Stronger Bones: Protects post-menopausal women from osteoporosis and also increases bone density and strengthens bones.

Digestion: Apples being rich in fiber help in digestion.

Reduces Alzheimer's risk: A new study on mice conducted at Cornell University found that drinking apple juice could keep Alzheimer's away and fight the effects of aging on the brain.

Diabetes Management: The pectin in apples supplies galacturonic acid to the body which lowers the body's need for insulin and may help in the management of diabetes.


*thanks