Lifestyle: Half-Nekkied New Year's resolutions

Technically, today is New Year's Eve Eve, but who's keeping track or even looking at this text right here. Hello?!?

I'd like to share some New Year's resolutions. We’re often troubled because we know what to do -- diet and exercise -- we just don't want to! Why task yourself with chores; especially things you really should be doing anyways? That’s why I suggest resolving to do something enjoyable, like being sexier. Enter 2011 with the determination to go out to dinner with friends more often, see more movies; to have more fun. If you want to make self-improvements, find ways to enjoy it. For myself, I’m joining a new hiking group because it's a really great way to get myself outdoors -- plus it’s a great workout!


Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday!

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THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND

While approaching the New Year slows down for many in the workforce, those of us with deadlines have to speed ahead and crank out twice as much material to enjoy any time off! This *may* be my last blog of the year so I wanted to thank all you hot bitches for reading. THANKS!!! Fellow bloggers, subscribers, Facebook friends & twitter peeps -- you are all helping me to realize a dream that started when I decided to be...BETTER BY 30

Beauty: Jared Leto probably has Botox

No nearly 40 year old is this wrinkle free, unless you're Jared Leto. In Hollywood, aging is optional. This hot bitch turns 39 this week.

See how he sort of...can't move his forehead, even when the rest of his face is hyper animated? I'm no plastic surgeon, but I know cosmetics. Trust.

Within the first few weeks after having Botox, the skin is super tight and although the eyebrows may move, none of the muscles above them go up, down, or sideways. A month or so after the injections more natural movement begins to resigister, but they are slight. The effect gradually wears off until full muscle control returns. Then it's time for more Botox!

Botox doesn't give you abs like this, sorry!

Fitness: Sexy Santa workout

Now that you're fat from all those Christmas cookies, sexy Santa will need you to strip down to your underwear and join him for a little exercise. Yes sir! Another please sir! Whatever you want, sexy Santa!

THE HOLIDAYS ARE OVER, HIT THE GYM BITCHES

Sex: This HNT sucks

Someone asked that I post a picture of myself sucking a giant candy cane. Am I doing it right? Sexy comes naturally to some people, I wish I was one of them!

Really though, what is sexy? Technically, I know it is the arousal of desire, but what does that mean and how do you do it? Making effort to be sexy, like rubbing body parts on a soapy car, is trying way too hard. Sometimes I look at models in advertisements who are giving! it! every! thing! and it's just hysterical. They look like they're taking a big crap in their pants.

To me, sexy should be effortless.

Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday!

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Eatery: Miss Information vs. the First Lady

I'd like to explain something to those who are confused as to why so many people can't stand Sarah Palin.

Aside from being a hateful, crybaby asshole (like ALL POLITICIANS), Sarah Palin sets a double standard. She doesn't want "big government" telling her family what to eat, for example, yet with other MUCH BIGGER issues (abortion, sex education) she's perfectly willing to let government mandate what citizens can and can't do with their bodies. It is not a matter of right or wrong, it is a matter of right or left. She will agree with anything a republican says, yet automatically opposes everything a democrat says -- including the suggestion that we should eat healthy meals. BITCH. WHAT.

On the last 'Sarah Palin's Alaska,' the hot mom rooted around in her kitchen for s'mores ingredients (graham crackers, chocolate, marshmallows) as her youngest son Trigg looked on. Sarah quips: "This is in honor of Michelle Obama, who thinks we shouldn't have dessert."

What Michele Obama actually said: "As I tell my kids, dessert is not a right," Obama momma added, "In my house...we ate what we were served. We ate what was there, or we didn’t eat; there was always a vegetable on the plate."

Seek out the truth. Just because somebody says it on TV, on a blog, or in a magazine doesn't make it true -- especially when it comes to health and fitness!

Medicine: Burn baby burn

Y'all know I rarely cook, but when I do I often injure myself. I always thought butter made a good lube burn treatment. I WAS WRONG!

According to people who know butter, it actually increases chance of infection when used to treat a burn.

* Submerge minor burns in cool water for about 10 minutes.
* Do not cover with a band-aid as it may stick to the burn.
* Use gauze to wrap and protect
* Treat with burn cream/Neosporin

More health tips from The Doctors -- my fave morning show!

When you're sick you're sick

I always feel terribly guilty on days like today, when I call in sick to work. The thing is, even though it's gross and rainy outside and I'm still a little freaked out to drive during inclement weather thanks to my car crash; I'm like totally sick for reals.

It actually takes me about half the day to accept that I shouldn't have gone to work and stop being paranoid that they're all talking about how I'm faking it. At some point, the voice of reason booms through my head and reminds me how much I hate it when some sick bitch comes into the office; sniffling, sneezing and coughing away -- infecting the entire place. That's disgusting.

When you're sick you're sick; stay your ass home!

p.s. I forget which asshole boyfriend took this pic, but I'm literally on my death bed! (not taken today)

Health: All that matters

Then this happened. The road was wet with rain, so I gently applied the brakes coming downhill on a curvy road. Instantly, the car began to fishtail. At first I figured the tires would catch traction and I'd be on my way. Except the car kept sliding, completely out of control. I tried turning the wheel and pumping the brakes to no avail. Then I smashed into a cement wall, head on. Crash! Boom! Bang!

The good news is, I'm fine. Aside from a slight bruise on my wrist, likely from the airbag, I walked away without a scratch. The car was totaled.

Everyone has been telling me the same thing: All that matters is that I'm unhurt.

Truthfully, that's not all that matters -- because other matters had to be dealt with; police, insurance, etc. Of course, without my health I would not have been able to deal with any of those things. While health may not be "all that matters" it is easily the number one thing that matters.

Be thankful you're still kicking it today. Hey, you're not dead!

Fitness: Raver Santa

Dance, bitch! This raver Santa is rocking my morning. No duh, dancing is an excellent workout in any weather. Watch the video to get footloose, step it up with your Saturday night fever and get served!

Health: That's dedication

This dude clipped his chest hair into the shape of a pot leaf and dyed it green; something only a stoner would come up with! The real surprise is that he actually took the time and energy to do it, rather than just laughing madly and puffing another hit. Speaking of hitting it, I know we can't see his face or anything, but I would. I want those guns wrapped around me like a beautiful cloud of smoke.

Is marijuana harmful or healthy? Many proponents say it should be legalized as a medical alternative to harsh chemicals produced by big drug companies. Some pros and cons are below. What side are you on?


Reports of opportunistic fungal and bacterial pneumonia in AIDS patients who used marijuana suggest that marijuana smoking either suppresses the immune system or exposes patients to an added burden of pathogens.
-- Institute of Medicine Report; 1999

"Patients receiving cannabinoids [smoked marijuana and marijuana pills] had improved immune function compared with those receiving placebo. They also gained about 4 pounds more on average than those patients receiving placebo."
-- Donald Abrams, MD, et al.; 2003


"Unlike for nicotine, alcohol and hard drugs, there is no clearly defined withdrawal syndrome, the hallmark of true addiction, when use is stopped."
--Editorial, The Times; 2001

"This study validated several specific effects of marijuana abstinence in heavy marijuana users, and showed they were reliable and clinically significant. These withdrawal effects appear similar in type and magnitude to those observed in studies of nicotine withdrawal [...]
--Archives of General Psychiatry; 2001


"A federal report concludes the younger children are when they first use marijuana, the more likely they are to use cocaine and heroin and become dependent on drugs as adults.[...]
-- SAMHSA press release; 2002

"We've shown that the marijuana gateway effect is not the best explanation for the link between marijuana use and the use of harder drugs. An alternative, simpler and more compelling explanation accounts for the pattern of drug use you see in this country, without resort to any gateway effects. While the gateway theory has enjoyed popular acceptance, scientists have always had their doubts. Our study shows that these doubts are justified.[...] The people who are predisposed to use drugs and have the opportunity to use drugs are more likely than others to use both marijuana and harder drugs. Marijuana typically comes first because it is more available."
-- Andrew Morral, PhD; 2002


"By characterizing the use of illegal drugs as quasi-legal, state-sanctioned, Saturday afternoon fun, legalizers destabilize the societal norm that drug use is dangerous ... Children entering drug abuse treatment routinely report that they heard that 'pot is medicine' and, therefore, believed it to be good for them."
-- Andrea Barthwell, MD; 2004

"While it is not possible with existing data to determine conclusively that state medical marijuana laws caused the documented declines in adolescent marijuana use, the overwhelming downward trend strongly suggests that the effect of state medical marijuana laws on teen marijuana use has been either neutral or positive, discouraging youthful experimentation with the drug."
-- Mitch Earleywine, PhD; 2005

HOT BITCH ALERT: Ryan Reyonlds is single!

Rejoice! Ryan Reynolds is single! Now you can rub your parts to his image with a slightly improved chance that fantasy could come true! Ry and his girl announced today they are ending their 2-year marriage. Sad? Let his nakedness cheer you up!





See his diet and fitness routine HERE

Fitness: Get fighting tough

Around age 5, my father started giving me boxing lessons. I guess he didn't want me to be a sissy. LITTLE DID HE KNOW. Anyways I moved on to kick boxing and karate -- although I oppose violence, I will kick your fucking ass.

Boxing isn't just about getting in the ring and throwing punches. Fight training is extremely well-rounded for strength, speed, agility, reflexes, footwork and coordination.

"There are many, many boxing movies, and I love most of them," Marky Mark Wahalberg says in the new Sports Illustrated (out tomorrow). "I knew that the thing that would set us apart was if the fights looked more real, and I looked more like a boxer than anyone else who’s done it in the past. [For The Fighter] I spent more money paying my trainers and having them travel with me than I got paid, by a good half a million dollars." This morning the HFP announced the film is up for 6 noms, including best actor and film.

Not only is boxing a whole body workout, it makes you feel all butch and stuff! Sometimes it's can be fun to mix up a workout routine with a private instructor or class and punch some shit. Just don't start acting like a tough guy and getting in bar fights. That's not very classy.

Beauty: Then I got a haircut

It's kind of amazing how a silly little haircut can have such a big impact. Every time I catch my reflection I'm like; who's that dude? It's certainly a bit different than my usual style. I'm in the love/hate stage, but it will grow on me.

Being overly concernd with physical appearance may seem a bit superficial, because IT IS. When you think about it though, the way we present ourselves to the world says something about who we are. When we take time and effort to make a good impression, it shows.

Relationships: F.U

We spoke of getting together; that night he canceled because "it was cold" and he was no longer in the mood to go out. So, I told him to fuck off.

Maybe this is why I don't have a boyfriend?

Lifestyle: Christmas HNT

The hat says "I've been Naughty." Good boys may go to heaven, but bad boys go everywhere! I haven't done a Half-Nekkid Thursday in a few weeks, so now that your eyeballs have healed I'm attacking them again with my half-nekkidness.

This year I'm dreaming of a green Christmas -- and not because it doesn't sknow in Hollywood. It fake snows all the time. I mean green "green" like eco-friendly shit.

* Shopping online saves energy

* Buy organic clothing

* Don't get dry clean only clothing (dry clean chemicals are gross)

* Gift vintage or used items

* Use recycled wrapping (newspapers, etc) or reusable gift bags


Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday!

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FItness: Ian Somerhalder's prison workout

Ian Somerhalder wraps his lucious lips around 32 today. Take a bite, Ian! A web search turned up an old interview in which he says his beauty secrets are "Sleep, exercise, a lot of water" (beer drinkin' can have health benefits too).

Recently, he tweeted: "Whoa- prison workout in piedmont park. 94 degrees makes you melt like a snowball... Helped clear mental clutter."

What's a "prison workout" you ask? The mind goes there. While shower rape probably burns calories, this style of workout gets its name from the primitive methods prison bitches use to strengthen their "not tonight" butt-clench muscles.

With limited space and no gym equipment, use bodyweight exercises to build muscle and melt fat. This type of workout can be applied anywhere, eliminating excuses for not being able to exercise.

Example exercises: Burpees, push-ups, pull-ups, body planks, squats, death jumps.

Eatery: World's largest gummy worm

Featured: The World's Largest Gummy Worm. Put your mouth around this, bitches! How do you make something awesomer? Make it 128 times bigger. Yes, this is a real thing.

There are people who actually wonder why they're so fat and listless. Something this absurd sort of speaks for itself, don't you think?

I will admit though, I love gummies. This thing is obviously WAY TOO FUCKING MUCH, but sugar-filled candies are a weakness. I don't generally eat milk chocolate because I break out in hives, so there's that. It has probably saved me a few calories because of course errybody love chocolate.

My real weakness is crisps. I love me some chips! All time fave: Crunchy Cheetos. They're a deliciously disgusting mix of fat, something crunchy, fat, cheese, and fat. Fucking heaven! (*I haven't had a Cheeto in months, FYI...)

What's your junk food weakness?

Fitness: Noami Watts & Liev Schreiber's couples workout

One of the most commonly overused excuses to avoid exercise is that people "just don't have time."

Couples that workout together -- and parents who are active with their children -- are on double duty when it comes to quality time. I don't have kids, but sometimes I try to do sit-ups while holding my cat like a free weight. I say try because she gets bored after a few reps and wriggles away.

My last date was a hike through Runyon Canyon. When I realized he wasn't right for me, I pushed him into some bushes and ran away. Yah, I'm a romantic!

Health: World AIDS Day 2010

My first friend in Hollywood also became the first openly HIV+ person I knew personally. He was almost shockingly forthcoming about his status, as comfortable working it into everyday conversation as I am calling any random dude a hot bitch. Rather than teeter around the subject he would just talk as though everybody already knew. It was 1996. That was fucking brave.

Nicholas taught me so much about life in Los Angeles, and in general. My eyes are watering up so much just thinking about everything that I really can’t go on here. Sometimes I still hear his voice, yet I’m still not sure if he’s the little angel or devil on my shoulder. He was such a scamp. He is greatly missed.

World AIDS Day isn’t about a ribbon, it’s about people.