This is our future

Little boys are getting a message too. Should I be sad? Should we start some kind of petition? Or something? I blame the internet. Let's shut it down.

Scratch that. I rely on the online community for my income, so let's blame Facebook. Those jerks!

Truly, it is the "social media" revolution that has turned the entire world (wide web) into narcissistic assholes. I'm one of them! LOOK AT ME!!!

We inherited this mess. It was handed down to us. Each generation becomes more and ever more hyper aware of our appearance and how to alter it to appeal to others. So they can Facebook it.

But wanting to look and feel your best is not the worst thing we can be concerned with. As long as we're not overly concerned with it. It's not that serious. Physical appearance and the standards of beauty that we adhere to change over time. Let's try not do more harm to future generations that absolutely necessary.

Doesn't this hurt?

 

Many of the poses often depicted seem rather painful or embarrassing. This much is true. Take any yoga class and you're like to spend most of it looking up the stranger's sweaty corn hole in front of you. 

Since I'm obviously some kind of masochist, I freaking love yoga! It can make you mighty fine, just ask Adam Levine (pictured). Sure, dude is a little on the slim side. Thin is always in, my dears. But you don't have to be thin to be flexible and fit.

Why would anyone torture themselves with this shit? Yoga improves back muscle mobility and overall flexibility, strength, posture. breathing, lowers stress. heightens concentration. elevates mood, lowers blood pressure, decreases cholesterol and triglyceride levels and boosts the immune system function.

Also, it makes you sexy. Example:

My, what big guns you have!

I was going to make some joke about running off to join the military, but these hot bitches aren't even in service! Seriously, look at those beautifully formed pecks, those round, juicy guns...they're basically too perfect to be real soldiers.

Yah, they're fitness models and we hate them. I know. Their only job is to workout for hours and hours a day and pose a few times after they've been oiled down. These hos are still pretty hot.

Point is, I'm off to Ohio for the holiday and wanted to leave you with a little eye candy.

So then I almost died at the gym...

Weight training is very serious stuff. The Glee guys know what I'm talking about. Look at those very serious yellow weight training skinny jeans!



For real though, unless you're fucking with props, stay focused at the gym.

This one time, I was getting my pump on at Gold's in Hollywood and nearly died. Gyms are (quite thankfully) usually full of hotties with bodies, and that day was no exception. While I was doing a bench press, I was sort of distracted by this fine mo' fo' passing by. As I turned my head, I turned the weights too, kind of like when you're driving and you look at something and suddenly you're in the other lane (oh, sure, like that only happens to me). 

Anyways, when I turned, the weights slipped off the left side of the bar. If you've ever done a bench press, you know that both sides of the bar have an even amount of weight. I shouldn't have to explain why, even if you've never done a bench press. 

As you can imagine, when the weights slipped off one side, the other -- now MUCH HEAVIER -- side went slamming to the floor, because science. It all happened so fast that the bar bounced back and slapped right on my collar bone because I was still trying to hold it in place. I could have really fucked myself up that day. 

Stupid gym hottie! 

Why You Should NOT Support Gay Marriage

This picture may or may not help my argument here. Still, it was one of the few non-porn related images I could find when I googled "gay marriage." My preferences are permanently set to display results in XXX.

Even so, if the wedding in question was this tacky I'd still totally support it. I just don't support gay marriage, and neither should you.

Wait, what?

When I hear people say "gay marriage" it makes it sound like it is something different. It is not. It is a marriage.

Let me put it another way. I don't do gay lunch, I eat lunch.

In my ever-continuing quest to be my very best, there is so much strength to be found in simply accepting yourself. We can't allow others to define us or displace us from mainstream society. We are the world, you guys. Every single freaky one of us.

Hot guys should be required to wear these

Dominic Cooper gets it right poolside. That's what I'm talking about. Why be fit and healthy and cover yourself up in a gigantic moo moo at the beach?

Board shorts are not sexy. Thank you, that is all.

Drugs Are Bad, M'kay?

Uhm...what? Director Darren Aronofsky's new series of PSAs for the Meth Project takes things to the extreme. I don't know many people who have traded sex for money (at least not so they could buy drugs, per se), but I do know more than a few who have basically cut out the middleman and traded sex for drugs. Not me personally. But supposedly the dealer was super hot and had a big one. So I heard!

I guess these PSAs are a good thing? Ultimately, people who are using are trading something for their next high. Like their dignity. Trust me I know that whole story. Stay away from this shit kids!

Eatery: McBarf

This is what happens when you google "sexy McRib." I don't even know.

I've actually never tried a McRib sandwich. I've heard they're delicious, but I'm not a BBQ-flavor person. Unless we're talking like a smoky BBQ chip, then I'm all in. Doesn't matter, because I wouldn't be putting one of those things in my mouth either way -- since they contain (small amounts) the same ingredient as yoga mats and shoe soles.

Other countries don't allow this shit in their food.

When people say WTF is wrong with America? I think our money over health values is a big part of the answer.

Smoking Isn't Always Sexy

It's not wrong to tell a friend they're doing something terrible, but when one of the Bunnies (the kickball team I've played on a few times; the "Dust Bunnies") called me out for smoking when we were at the bar, I was publicly shamed. What a bitch.

You know what, I did put that cigarette out -- eventually, like when I was done. I just needed a few more puffs, but it was only halfway down.

Every little bit helps. Thanks Bunny!

So, I implore you. Be that friend. Help those around you reach their goals and become better people when you are called upon.

I'm a complete fucking failure

Remember that time I vowed to quit smoking, except I didn't but then I quit again only I didn't really? Like this guy, except not as hot or covered with tattoos? Dear God, I'm a complete fucking failure! I have a really good excuse though. I'm an addict!

I've always viewed smoking as a bad habit that I need to break, but in truth it is more than that. It's a real fucking problem.

"To successfully quit smoking, you’ll need to address both the habit and the addiction by changing your behavior and dealing with nicotine withdrawal symptoms."

I'm like, shut up with this already. I know what I need to do. It's just really, really hard. But something has made it (a little) easier. I'm in a relationship now (the hunter caught his wolf) and my bf is putting his own health at risk by being around me when I smoke. Maybe I can slowly kill myself, that's my own deal, but I'm not about to put somebody else in harms way if I can help it.

The first rule I made was not to smoke at work. Now it has to include my time with him. Eventually I will be done with this once and for all -- because we're together all the damn time! That's a good thing. For as independent and self-reliant as I am, sometimes I need a little help. It is extremely difficult to admit that, even though I know it's not a sign of weakness. If anything, asking for help shows courage and willingness to change.