Thursday, December 29, 2011

Bringing Sexy Back in 2012


Happy New Year, you guys! I don't expect anybody to be healthy by eating right and not drinking empty calories (especially myself -- pass the champs!), but if there is ONE THING you can do this NYE it is this -- take a fucking cab! Now go drop some balls, or whatever.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Eatery: Grab some nuts


There are sadly many people allergic to nuts -- the gay ones being the most ironic. If you're a nut lover (tee-hee) and can swallow (tee-hee) then there is nothing better than making your own trail mix! Yes, I'm a granola geek! It fun though, serious you guys.

I used to buy the pre-mixed nuts in a bag and quickly realized I was never getting enough of the stuff I liked, the portions were weird and it wasted a lot of packaging material. Now I make my own nut mix!

I like it raw, when it comes to almonds. Otherwise I use all lightly salted nuts because otherwise the mixture gets too salty. 

Matt Lauer knows what I'm taking about. 

My special homespun trail mix has pistachio meats, candied pecans, cashews, almonds, honey roasted peanuts, and dried cherries, blueberries, plus regular and white raisins with a small portion of peanut (or regular) M&Ms. It is seriously the best thing ever. You would love my nuts. Once I have my big container all mixed up, I pack up a little tupperwear container for work, the car, my gym bag, etc. It's like a meal on the go!

Seriously, get in on this.

Monday, December 19, 2011

How to be productive in the New Year


Mondays. The Worst. Amirite? There's just so much to do at the start of the week. With the holidays coming up, it seems especially difficult to stay on task and get it all done. Here are 7 things highly productive people do -- or most importantly DON'T do.

Not all of these are entirely realistic. I'm an entertainment reporter, so only checking email once an hour would mean missing stories and being behind the competition. For my brother (who is a comic book artist) it is an ideal solution so that he can sit down and draw withing a solid chunk of time. See what you make of these:

* Work backwards from goals to milestones to tasks. Writing “launch company website” at the top of your to-do list is a sure way to make sure you never get it done. Break down the work into smaller and smaller chunks until you have specific tasks that can be accomplished in a few hours or less: Sketch a wireframe, outline an introduction for the homepage video, etc. That’s how you set goals and actually succeed in crossing them off your list.

* Stop multi-tasking. No, seriously—stop. Switching from task to task quickly does not work. In fact, changing tasks more than 10 times in a day makes you dumber than being stoned. When you’re stoned, your IQ drops by five points. When you multitask, it drops by an average of 10 points, 15 for men, five for women (yes, men are three times as bad at multitasking than women).

* Be militant about eliminating distractions. Lock your door, put a sign up, turn off your phone, texts, email, and instant messaging. In fact, if you know you may sneak a peek at your email, set it to offline mode, or even turn off your Internet connection. Go to a quiet area and focus on completing one task.

* Schedule your email. Pick two or three times during the day when you’re going to use your email. Checking your email constantly throughout the day creates a ton of noise and kills your productivity.

* Use the phone. Email isn’t meant for conversations. Don’t reply more than twice to an email. Pick up the phone instead. 

* Work on your own agenda. Don’t let something else set your day. Most people go right to their emails and start freaking out. You will end up at inbox-zero, but accomplish nothing. After you wake up, drink water so you rehydrate, eat a good breakfast to replenish your glucose, then set prioritized goals for the rest of your day.

* Work in 60 to 90 minute intervals. Your brain uses up more glucose than any other bodily activity. Typically you will have spent most of it after 60-90 minutes. (That’s why you feel so burned out after super long meetings.) So take a break: Get up, go for a walk, have a snack, do something completely different to recharge. And yes, that means you need an extra hour for breaks, not including lunch, so if you’re required to get eight hours of work done each day, plan to be there for 9.5-10 hours.

Source

Thursday, December 15, 2011

The only acceptable way to wear boxers


It's the age old question: boxers or briefs?  Personally, I find wearing boxers to be totally annoying. They ride up, have absolutely no support for my friends downtown and are generally unfashionable. Who designs these things?. Some genius invented boxer-briefs, which are apparently created to give you a permanent wedgie. Or maybe my ass is just hungry ...for fabric.

I'm not a strictly tighty whities guy, but that's a good start. Form fitting. Supportive. Also, way better prints and color options. This is very serious stuff, because fashion. I mean comfort!

Ladies, if you are reading this, please go out and get your guy some sexy shit. Some Calvins, Andrew Christianson, N2N or 2(xist). They're tiny man panties that lift and support for a super bulge and sweet ass. You want this.

Guys, if you're reading this you are probably gay, so you probably know what I'm talking about. If you're one of those dudes who refuses to stuff himself into some overpriced chonies, what is your problem?

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Plug into this hot portal


Gamers are sexy. This holiday season, don't undervalue the importance of plugging into a hot port. Or whatever. Playtime encourages creativity and builds learning skills. Board games and sex games totally count.

Gaming is also said to:
* Promote cognitive health (awareness, perception, reasoning, and judgment)
* Improve empathy (playing with or against others)
* Alleviate stress * Improve hand-eye coordination
* Enhance the learning process
* Boost imagination
* Provide a distraction from snacking and overeating (not always the case, WoW freaks)

Friday, December 9, 2011

How to flirt: beach babe edition


Love that the hot-bodied guy is 1) taking my speedo recommendation to the next level 2) checking out another guy's ass. Although given his beach attire, it isn't likely he'd be looking at the ladies. Amirite?

Remember when I said there was a deeper message here? I lied!

Sometimes it's just about looking at hot guys. Which is fine, because part of being a regular, healthy human being is learning how to manage interactions with people IRL. Flirting isn't necessarily sexual and is useful in everyday life. Spread a little love. Give a hug. Compliment somebody. Check out an ass or two.

I don't think flirting is about having an end goal. I've also never been one to go on the hunt, so to speak. When my friends are on a mission to get some, it can be ego crushing to go home alone. If you're that horny, it's probably better to take matters into your own hands before heading out and making bad choices by lowering your standards in a moment of desperation.

Flirt for fun, don't put so much pressure on the situation.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Dylan McDermott lookin' sessy (then & now)


Dylan at 32...and today at 50. He's fucking 50! Shut up. I'm pretty much in love with American Horror Story. And seeing (occasionally naked) Dylan! How is he keeping his sexy shit looking so fresh?

This is the Hollywood aging process. I can only hope I'm this hot at 50. Hell, I wish I looked this good now!

Obviously there are FDA approved tricks to keeping a face fresh. Botox. Fillers. Laser treatments. Yes please. I don't plan to grow old gracefully because I don't intend to grow old!

Most importantly, I want to take care of my health, because looking good is a natural side effect. What is the point of having a pretty facade if the insides are rotting out?

Monday, December 5, 2011

Where's the bulge, Mario Lopez?


Yes, I know what gratuitous means. Underwear marketing executives should too, or their male models look like they have manginas. Case in point: flat-fronted Mario Lopez. Did he tuck his burrito too tightly?

Dick size is really important to guys, gay or straight. We all want big, floppy dicks. Yes please!

Our man rods define our masculinity. Every dude wants to be proud to show off his stuff. Yet, even small-dicked guys can have confidence in themselves if they accept what they're working with. Based on my experience (*cough* slut whore ways), it doesn't take a big one to get the job done.

Size does matter, of course, because there is such a thing as too small. And too big. You wanna put that where?!?

Unlike our waistlines or chest measurements, the love muscle can't be improved upon. There are no magic pills, pumps or prayers that will lengthen or widen. There are products that promise to do so, but they are full of more shit than a port-o-potty after a county fair.

Sometimes, you have to make do what what you've got. It appears to be working for Mario.